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ISIS threatens Alex Jones: “Grow that beard longer or WE WILL BEHEAD YOU!”

Dissociated Press Is ISIS plotting an attack on Alex Jones? In a new video released by Rita Kuntz of SHITE Intelligence Group, a vicious-looking villain with a big black bushy shariah-compliant beard brandishes a glittering scimitar and inveighs against the popular talk show host’s “pathetic scruffy little attempt to produce facial hair.” “While we appreciate Alex’s decision to convert to Islam, signified by his effort to put some manly hair on that pudgy little baby face, the fact is that to be fully shariah compliant, beards need to be at least 16 centimeters in length,” scowling ISIS spokesvillain Abdul Ibn…

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Trump issues permanent pre-emptive self pardon

(Dissociated Press) In a long-anticipated move, Donald Trump announced today that he has permanently and pre-emptively pardoned himself for all crimes he has committed, is in the process of committing, is currently planning, or may commit in the future. Speaking at an impromptu press conference at Russian Mafiya headquarters on the top floor of Trump Tower, Trump added that he is extending the pardon to excuse himself not only for felonies, misdemeanors, traffic citations, and parking tickets, but also sexual indiscretions, mistakes, blunders, catastrophes, nuclear holocausts, and anything else that he might conceivably do wrong. He added that the pardon…

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Greg Felton: American politics is a living joke

Listen HERE In his latest satirical article, ex-mainstream journalist Greg Felton asks: “What do you get when you mash together The Beverly Hillbillies, House of Cards and The Godfather?” I’ll tell you what you get: A Living Joke!, the first political satire that is also a reality TV show!” Is Greg referring to the Trump presidency, its Democratic deep state opponents, or all of the above? Tune in and find out! Final 20 minutes: Kevin reads his prescient 2013 article “Will Israel Merge With Saudi Arabia?”

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Trump Renegotiates Iran Deal!

The signatories to the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA), better known as the Iran nuclear deal, announced yesterday that they have found a way to “fix” the deal to make it acceptable to US president Donald Trump. Iranian Foreign Minister Zarif explained: “After lengthy Twitter discussions with the White House, we learned that Trump had only one real objection to the deal: Obama got credit for it, not him. So we decided to keep the deal intact, including the acronym, but change the name to honor Trump. From now on, instead of Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action, JCPOA will…

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Detroit’s Silverstein Dome Slated for Demolition Next September 11th

In the wake of the failed demolition of Detroit’s Silverdome, the surprisingly robust building has been purchased by Larry Silverstein, the 9/11 Deceptive Demolition King, and renamed the “Silverstein Dome.” Silverstein has reportedly doubled the terror insurance on the condemned building, hardballed insurers into changing the terms to “cash payout,” and scheduled breakfast on the mezzanine next September 11th – apparently forgetting that he has also scheduled a dermatologist appointment that morning. Additionally, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has been notified in order to ensure that “al-Qaeda” also schedules something interesting that day. As the Lucky Larry’s Deceptive Demolitions slogan says:…

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The Simpson Option: Zionists Threaten Cartoon Armageddon

by Kevin Barrett, TruthJihad.com For decades, Israel has been threatening to blow up the world if it is ever forced to end its apartheid system. Zionists call this plan to murder all of humanity “the Samson Option.” But the world, undeterred, continues to turn … against Zionist apartheid. On Wednesday, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu upped the ante, announcing a new, even worse plot to take revenge on the nations. Termed “the Simpson Option,” Bibi’s plan consists of having the Zionist-dominated media replace current television, movie and internet content with endless re-runs of The Simpsons. “With our control of the…

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Dieudonné charged with material support for comedy

Dieudonné is so funny he’s a threat to public safety Paris, FranceDissociated Press France’s most popular comedian, Dieudonné Mbala Mbala, has been arrested and charged with providing material support for comedy. After detaining the French comedian Wednesday at his home in Quenelle-sur-Seine, the French authorities announced that anyone caught laughing at Dieudonné’s performances, whether on youtube, Facebook, twitter, or anywhere else, would also be arrested and charged with providing material support for providing material support for comedy. “And if you think that’s funny, wise guy” added Police Commissioner Jerque Culfoutre, “we’ll arrest you for providing material support for providing material support…

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Obama’s secret letter to Iran revealed!

US President Barack Obama has been sending secret letters to Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Hosseini Khamenei. But the full text of these letters has never before been revealed. But now, in his latest stunning revelation, Edward Snowden has hacked into White House computers and acquired a copy of Obama’s most recent letter to Tehran. In exchange for a fistful of US toilet paper dollars, which nobody in Moscow seems to realize are not worth the paper they’re printed on, Snowden agreed to provide TruthJihad.com with exclusive access to the letter. In the interest of world peace, intercultural understanding, cute…

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